BoyinSuit

Evergreen

After I left BYU at the end of summer 2002, I moved into my grandparent's house in Sandy, Utah.  I basically left BYU because someone told them I was gay and I either had to (1) write a paper on how being gay was bad, never hang out with gay people, and see a counselor to cure my "illness", OR (2) leave.  I chose the second option.

But before all hope was lost, I attended an Evergreen International Conference.  Evergreen is self-described as "a nonprofit organization that helps people who want to diminish same-sex attractions and overcome homosexual behavior. It is also a resource to their loved ones, professional counselors, religious leaders, and friends." (via their website).  They don't even use the word gay.  It's called "same-sex attraction," or "SSA" for short.

The conference became a family affair.  I went with my father, two aunts, and my uncle.  They were there to support me, but they were really there to get information since Evergreen is for family members of people afflicted with SSA...

The whole experience was very interesting.  I will always distinctly remember a seminar where the speaker claimed to suffer from SSA in his past but overcame homosexuality and married a woman.  It was obvious that people in the room were excited because this guy fulfilled the dream of a heterosexual lifestyle.  He advocated doing "manly" things like sports to become straight.  The speaker then opened the room for questions.

One guy, probably in his fifties and clearly effeminate, stood up to ask the speaker a question.  He said that one of his favorite things to do was help decorate the church buildings for parties.  He excitedly told the audience of his very elaborate decorations that he loved to make.  He said that the Relief Society women (who were stereotypically in charge of decorating) loved his help because he was good at it.  As he spoke, the man literally lit up and anyone could tell that he was really proud of this skill.  He asked the speaker if he could still decorate for church parties and still become straight?

The speaker's answer was curt: "No, you need to stop that." 

The man sat down and it was obvious that he was disappointed.  Deflated and defeated, the light this man displayed just left.  The joy that was present as he recounted his decorating skill had been replaced with a frustration that I know he'd struggled with his whole life.  Now, the one thing that made him stand out in his church and made him proud would be taken away from him.

At that point, I knew that Evergreen didn't want to help people.  It only wanted to shame men with the promise of a grand afterlife if only they'd hide who they really were.  Evergreen wanted people to live for the next life and deny their God-given sexuality until death.  

After this moment, Evergreen became a farce for me.  I befriended a group of guys and one night we hung out.  We played soccer in Liberty Park (to invoke the manliness in us), went to the gay club (to counteract the manliness), and stayed out late at Dee's on North Temple talking about sex.  It was a night that many of us had never had and it was a relief to express ourselves freely.

To top it off, I started dating a guy that I had met there.  So much for helping me to diminish my same-sex attraction.  Later, two of the guys became roommates of mine.

This picture was taken the last night of the conference. 

The Beggar Problem

My favorite Biblical story is Jesus' parable of the talents.  The last part ends with a man asking Jesus when he ever saw Jesus on the street, and Jesus replied:

"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."  Matthew 25:40

As I've walked the streets of India, its very difficult for me to look in the eyes of beggars and not be reminded of my Christian admonition to treat others as though they were Christ.  I look at each person who reaches out their hand to me and see Jesus, then I feel badly when I refuse to give them money. 

I hate walking past the cripple whose is permanently bent at a 90 degree angle due to a back injury.

I hate saying no to the child who will probably not get an education and forever live as a beggar.

I hate avoiding the old man whose life has probably always been defined by poverty and will die alone.

I know that giving them money won't solve their problem or even make them feel truly better,  but I still feel badly nonetheless.  I feel badly that they are in an unfortunate situation and I feel badly that I'm so blessed.

Would you vote for a Mormon?

A lot of talk in the news recently has been around Mitt Romney and his Mormon religion. This article in the LA Times quotes a poll in which "Thirty-seven percent of those questioned said they would not vote for a Mormon presidential candidate."

This got me thinking to how I would answer the survey questions.

I'd vote for a Mormon, Jew, Muslim, or evanglical Christian. While I'd vote for an athiest or agnostic, they would be harder for me to do so.

The only religion that would preclude me from voting for a candidate of that religion would be scientology. I could never vote for a person who believes all the stuff that scientologists do.

My Thoughts on the LDS Church's Statement on the FMA

I don't really have much to say on the LDS church's endorsement of the Federal Marriage Amendment. They've always opposed gay marriage and are just reaffirming their stance.

However, this statement makes me feel badly for my LDS family and friends. The church that they believe is true puts them at odds with their relationship with me. I wonder what my mother must think: her son and his partner have been together for over 3 years and are more stable than many marriages, yet the church she believes in says that her son and his partner cannot "maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society."

I believe that by being with Brian in a monogamous and stable relationship, we only strengthen the importance the family as the most important unit of society. I believe that marriage for gays can only strengthen the family.

I agree with people that the family is becoming less and less important in our society: families don't sit together for dinner, families spend less time together, and divorce is the easy and available option for most people. However, I don't think keeping people out of marriage protects it.

I think anyone who knows me well knows that family is extremely important to me. No matter what the government says Brian and I aren't, I know that Brian and I form a family of our own.

Update: This article appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune and I really liked it: LDS authority and gay marriage.

Mormon Church

Since Dad is in town, I decided that it would be nice to go to church with him. Russell, Jennie, and I were supposed to meet at Amy's house at 10am, but we were running late and got to the church right after the sacrament was served.

While I wanted to go with my Dad, I really wanted to be on time for Mormon church because they read their letter in support for the Federal Marriage Amendment. Since we were late, I wasn't able to hear it read over the pulpit. I was disappointed, but it wasn't a big deal.

Russell and Jennie came with me to my volunteer orientation at the Center. It went fine. We went home and vegged out by watching TV. (I watched the season finale of Grey's Anatomy where Merideth's dog has to be put down. It reminded me of Lucy and I started crying.)

I got a little upset with Brian tonight. He got off work early, but instead of staying home to hang out with us, he went to see XMen 3, a movie he had already seen. He went to be with his friends, but when he got back, Brian told me that only one of his friends showed up. I guess I was also upset since I felt that I was "stuck" at home with nothing to do. I guess I just felt left out.

Family Home Evening Lesson

Russell and I were in charge of family home evening and spent an hour trying to decide what to do. I had the idea of talking about my favorite phrase, "See God in others", but Russell (and Brian) said that it was a rehashing of my lesson last year.

We decided to do the lesson on giving. We had a stack of 40 notecards and wrote an object on each (vacation, Xbox 360, bottle of bleach). Everyone got a card and the goal of the game was to get something you wanted. The point at the end was that it's easier to give something away that you don't like rather than something you do. I related my story about yesterday's food drive.

Usually in a food drive, I've give stuff that I don't use/need. While I was making a bag, I noticed my favorite kind of Rice-a-roni: Cheesy Rice. I didn't want to give it away, but I thought about the recipient.

34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:

35 For I was hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?

40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

(Matthew 25: 34-40)

I felt badly that I was giving the least amount to the least of my brethren. If I were donating food to Christ, Cheesy Rice would be near the top of my list. I put it in my bag and felt better about doing the right thing.

El Templo de Mormon en Ciudad de Mexico

During conversation class, Sara Bridge said that she and the blonde Sarah were going to the Mexico City temple. Lauren said that she wanted to go also, so I told Sara that if Lauren went, I'd go. I ran home, made a lunch, got my camera, and met them on the main road Zapata.

On the bus ride, I sat next to Lauren and we talked about our insecurities. I really like Lauren because she'??s fun and easy to talk to. I hope we hang out in Utah.

After we got off the bus, we took the subway to a part of the city and then a taxi to the temple. We took some pictures and then went inside the visitors center.




While both Sara(h)'??s went to a session inside the temple, Lauren and I went into a room with a couch and TV to watch the new Joseph Smith movie the Mormon church just made. As I watched the movie, I asked myself a question: Do I believe in the Joseph Smith story? I answered yes. It'??s hard for me to even understand myself because of the awkward position I'??m in. Yes, I do believe that Joseph Smith saw God and Jesus, yet I am not Mormon and believe that gay isn??t a sin. It'??s confusing to me and that??s probably why I don'??t like to think about it.

After the movie, Lauren and I walked around reading the signs in Spanish. We were actually able to read and understand them all. It was also a lot of fun.

When Sara and Sarah got back, we took a cab to the Mexico City airport to catch a bus to Cuernavaca. While in the airport, I saw a Cinnabon store and immediately bought one. We hadn'??t eaten dinner, so I saved it while we went to find food. As we looked, I found a Subway and got really excited! I haven??t had Subway in 2 months and ordered a meatball sub. It was so incredible! Then I ate my cinnabon which was fantastic! Yes, lots and lots of calories, but very good.


We got on the bus back to Cuernavaca and realized that we were sitting in the back of the bus in a special area separated from the rest of the bus by a door. We had our own room with 4 chairs facing each other with a table. We were all excited to be traveling 1st class.

As we drove home, Lauren pulled out my journal and started to read it. I don-t mind since I put most of what I wrote there on this blog. She found an entry about me buying stocks and then we started talking about stocks and financial stuff. They thought I knew lots about finances, and I guess I do, but it was fun to tell them the things that I do know.

I don'??t know why, but I told Sara Bridge about my business idea of family history interviews. Her face immediately lit up and she told me that she had the same idea. She told me that she's really good at the interviews, so I asked her if she would like to go into business together. She said she'??d love to and so we started talking about our idea. I'??m really excited because I didn't think I'??d achieve that goal (starting a business) this year-??now I will.

I'm going to Canada 3 days after I get back to Utah to help Sara do an interview with her grandma. I think this is going to be awesome!

FHE con el Mormones

I'm such a jokester in class and I love it! I wasn't usually the jokester in class growing up (except for that one Spanish class senior year). Today, during a break when everyone left the room, I erased one word of an example on the board and replaced it with "walrus". No one noticed until Beth read the example outloud and the teacher had a confused look on her face. I thought it was really, really funny.

My mother is so funny! She commented on my blog today! I love seeing my mother use technology because she thinks she can't do it but she can! Like the computer or cell pyhone. I never would have thought that my mother would ever comment on my blog. She's awesome.

Mam finally came home from Cancun today. She was visiting her daughter for her birthday. She graciously brought back two Cancun magnets: one for me and one for Austin. She reminds me a lot of Grandma Nix: she's so nice, treats us well, and likes talking to us.

While she was gone, I noticed that she recieved a letter with some old stamps on them. Today, I asked her if I could have them and she said sure! One of the stamps is a really old United Nations stamp.

Sara Bridge and I went to the orphanage today. I'm making it a seperate post because it's so long.

After the orphanage, Sara came back to my house because she wanted to go to Family Home Evening at professor Mayer's house (which is 2 doors down). One the drive home, she invited me to come and I told her I thought it would be fun. She was in charge of the lesson, but didn't have an idea of what to do it on. I suggested an idea, and she said, "Why don't you just help me teach it?" The former Mormon in me was honored and said yes.

We taught a lesson about giving of yourself. I said that most people can easily conjugate the spanish verb querer but have a more difficult time conjugating dar.

My biggest goal in going to FHE was to show that a gay guy like me can be spiritual and a good example. FHE was a lot of fun and I probably surprised a few Mormons.

When I came home, I told Austin about my day. After I finished, he told me that I sounded really gay in describing my time at the orphanage. I told him that anytime I'm excited about something, I do flame up. He laughed.