BoyinSuit

VIP

I spent about 3 hours in the computer lab trying to type to essays that are due for Professor Mayer. How much did I get done? Not much. The language part wasn??t hard for me??it was coming up with things to say about our excursions. Like when I went to Frida??s house. Even in this journal, I didn??t write much about it because it was boring. Sara Bridge sat next to me in the computer lab and gave me suggestions on sentences. I hate writing about things that I??m not interested in.

I was in a pissy mood after the computer lab and didn??t want to go to the orphanage. I ended up going and having a good time. Kellen Wilson came (along with Sean, Dan, Sara, Kristen, Logan, Sara Bridge and I) and I could only imagine what he might have thought as I played with these kids. I hope he saw that I??m not a pervert who wants to molest children because I??m gay.

After the orphanage, I went to eh Galleria Mall to see a movie. The movie theatre has 2 selections??regular seats or VIP seats. For 90 pesos, you can sit in a theatre with leather lazyboys that recline. Seats are assigned and its so nice! You can even order food for servers to bring you from your seat. I wish they did this in Utah, although the price would probably be around $17.

When the movie ended (??El Crimen Perfecto) with Jodie Foster and Denzel Washington, I wanted a picture taken of me in the nice seats. When Sara handed her camera to tall Sarah, a worker told us that pictures were not allowed. I told Sarah just to take the picture because the guy couldn??t do anything about it. She chickened out and I got mad. Now I can??t scrapbook my VIP experience.

Me gusta aprender espanol!

I skipped conversation class today and instead wrote a really long email to Mom in Spanish. Unfortunately, school computers suck and internet explorer crashed. I lost the whole email and was pissed! I wrote another email to her, but it was short and basically talked about losing the first email.

On the way home, Austin and I got into an argument about how to learn Spanish. I said that writing helps me more and he disagreed saying talking is better. He kind of annoyed me because I felt like he had to prove talking was much better.

I didn'??t really want to go to the orphanage today. I wanted to work out instead. Am I bad for wanting to do that instead? It'??s just like the Guadalupe school. I go, but I always hope there are more teachers so I can go home. Why can't I just love volunteering?

After I volunteered at the orphanage, Sara Bridge and I went to the Galleria mall (yes, again) to see a movie (since its � on Wednesday'??s). We saw, "??Las Ultimas Vacacioness"?� with Queen Latifah. I loved the movie and had fun watching it. It??s one of those movies that was silly and fun to watch.

Pantalones Sucios

Why do little, stupid things upset me? Rather, why do I become upset? Today, Shawn asked Beth to play the piano for a "??special musical number"?� in Mormon Church on Sunday. I wish he had asked me because I really would have enjoyed it.

During school, lots of people wanted to go to the orphanage with Sara and me. I commented, "??I don'?t want a lot of people coming to the orphanage", incorrectly implying that this was "my"?� thing. Right after I said it, I felt stupid because it wasn't what I was trying to say. Okay, it was, but I felt badly and selfish because I had no right to say it. These kids need as much interaction as they can get.

More people did come to the orphanage (Lauren, Beth, Tyler, and Sarah) and it worked out perfectly. We had to take 2 cabs, but that was the only bad thing.

While at the orphanage, I sat at the bottom of a slide toboggan style with my legs around Lauren. All of a sudden, my butt felt warm, like the slide has just heated up. Immediately, I stood up and realized what it was. On the slide, a little girl had peed and it had traveled the length of the slide. I yelled to Lauren to stand up, but the pee reached her before she followed my advice. My butt was completely soaked in pee! At first, I was kind of mad but quickly got over it because I knew it would be a funny story.





Instead of going home right after the orphanage to clean my pants, I went to the movies at the Galleria mall with Sara, Sarah, and Tyler. I needed an ATM to pay back Austin (I borrowed $100 pesos from him on Monday to do laundry) tomorrow, so I couldn'??t go home anyway.

When we got to the Galleria, Sarah (the tall one) was crying and told us that she left $800 pesos in a taxi. It was interesting because here's a girl that I'??ve thought badly about because she can sometimes act in certain ways. However, here she was in an intimate moment crying about her money. She let down all her defenses she shows to everyone else. I said all this to Sara Bridge and she surprised me by saying, "?Well, you get what'??s coming to you and I don'??t feel badly for her."?� I guess I was surprised because I expected Sara to be more empathetic.

We ended up seeing, "??El Hombre Peligroso." I didn't really like it and thought it was too sad.

Pee-pee en mi cara

I went back to the orphanage today and I had a blast. It's so nice to give of myself because I forget all the problems I'm having and don't miss anything about the US. It puts my wonderful life into perspective and helps me realize how lucky I am.

On the way to the orphanage, I had to pee really badly. The worst part is the quality of roads--they are bumpy, so having to pee was agonizing! I told Beth and Sara that I would rather be at the dentist than in a Mexican taxi on a Mexican road with my bladder about to explode. Once the car stopped, I ran to the nearest tree and peed for 30 seconds.

When I entered the orphanage, I found some kids doing homework. I went to help one kid with his grammer homework, but I had no idea what his book said! It was Spanish for a 7 year old and I was stumped. I felt dumb, but I eventually found a kid doing math homework. I helped him and was able to successfully do so.

Two of the kids really bonded with me today. Iconically, they are both named Luis. One is a small, two year old boy that I wrote about before. The other kid was 7 years old and a nice kid. I think I've learned from this experience that I could adopt a child that age. I really want to adopt and I'm glad I know that I'd be comfortable with an older kid (since most people just want babies).

I had a blast playing with the kids even if most of them were dirty. One girl who had peed her pants put her wet bum in my face a couple of times when I wrestled with the kids. Another girl licked her fingers and then rubbed them on my face. While I usually would hate that, I figure that it doesn't matter in the moment. Sure, germs are gross, but oh well.

After the orphanage, I got to talk to Brian online. He's probably not going to get a house before I come back. On one hand, I'm bummed because I wanted him to find one and I didn't want to help move all of our stuff. On the other hand, I'm glad that I will come back to Salt Lake and go "home." I always thought it would be weird to leave home and return to a new house.

El Orfanatorio

Sara Bridge and I went to visit a Mexican orphanage today. When we hailed a cab and told him where it was, he wanted 70 pesos. Sara and I didn't think it was that far, so we hailed another taxi. I guess the orphanage IS really far away, so we found a taxi that would take us for 50 pesos.

The taxi driver, we found out, didn't know where it was. We had to stop and ask for directions 3 times. It took us about 40 minutes to get there, but we finally found the place. It wasn't as visable as one would think.

Sara and I were expecting to fill out some paperwork, have an interview, and get a background check or something. I was expecting a structured schedule and thought I'd be reading to kids. Our expectations were way off. We walked into the gates of the orphanage and found dirty kids running around and playing. There were some American girls sitting on what was a stage and they were getting their makeup done by some little girls. Some boys were playing a dogdgball like game.

At first, I didn't know what to do and felt a little akward. I couldn't really speak to them because I don't know Spanish very well. I was expecting structure, and when there wasn't any, I was thrown. Then I had a thought--"What would Ryan Oliver Hansen do?" Once I asked myself that, I knew exactly what to do. I joined the game of "dodgeball" and just started playing.

At first, the kids were a little hesitant. 'Who is this new American guy?' they probably thought. Even after dodgeball, it didn't seem like they were comfortable with me. I went to sit on the stage and found a small 2 year-old boy named Luis who was playing with a marble. He sat by himself and no one was playing with him. I sat near him and he immediatly threw the marble at me. I threw it back. Thus, we started playing a game. This little boy lit up! When I made him smile and laugh, all my worries evaporated. I didn't miss the US, my family, Brian, food, friends, nothing! This kid's smile made all my problems go away. I now understand why Ryan Oliver Hansen is in Africa and has no plans to return.

While I was playing with Luis, another boy about 10 years-old had a soccer ball and wanted to play with me. At first, self-concious thougts of "you suck at soccer" came to my mind. Also, I was wearing flip-flops. Then I thought to myself, "This boy just wants to play! He doesn't care if you are bad or what you are wearing!" I got over myself and started to play with him. Like Luis, his smile appeared and he laughed. After a while, I realized why no one was playing with him earlier--he's mentally handicapped. I actually didn't figure it out for awhile and I think he probably appreciated that.

Soccer made me tired, so I sat on the stage again. I knew that the kids had warmed up to me when they all formed a circle around me and we started playing games I made up on the spot.

One game was me poking their bellies and making a fart noise. They thought it was so funny! I had about 6 kids standing in front of me begging to get poked. They all laughed and laughed. (The mentally handicapped kid was taller than the rest of the kids, so his privates were at the same level as the other kids bellies. I accidently poked his privates twice and felt so horribly! I hoped that the orphanage wouldn't accuse me of molesting him for an innocent accident!).

Another game we played was really silly. I'd stick my hands out with my palms up. The kids would say something was behind me (like an elephant, devil, monkeys, etc) and when I'd turn to look, they'd slap my palms over and over again.

I think the simplicity of the games were similar to the love and attention these kids were looking for. They just want to be special to someone.

I also played a game that my father played with me. I laid on my back and the kids laid on my feet as I raised them up. They loved this! One time, Luis (the 2-year-old), just laid on my chest. It was cute until all the other kids yelled, "dogpile" in Spanish. I knew the weight of 7 other kids would really hurt Luis, so I put my arms above Luis and had to use all my strength to protect him from being crushed.


When I wasn't playing games, Luis and another small girl would climb into my arms to be held. They both liked playing with my beard.


While I had a lot of fun, there were lots of negative things I saw, I witnessed one older girl yelling at a smaller, quieter, girl. The older girl was trying to tell her to do something and began a countdown. I immediatly picked up the small girl, held her in my arms, and tried to protect her. When the mean girl would say something to her, I'd start talking to distact her. I just held her in my arms to protect her.

One American girl drove me absolutly up the wall with her negativity! In the whole time I was there, she didn't move from her seat on the stage. The kids had to play with her, not the other way around.

I guess this girl has voluntered at this orphanage for weeks and is getting internship credit for it. She had this attitude of, "I've been here the longest so I'm smarter than the rest of you." When the kids fought, I'd tell them to stop. This girl said, "Oh, they always fight. You can't do anything about it." When Sara asked her how to say "Be nice" in Spanish, the girl said, "It won't work, and you won't remember it, so I'm not going to tell you." When we told her that we paid our cab driver an extra $5 for helping us find the orphanage and for driving on a crappy dirt road that wasn't good for his car, she said, "That was so stupid! You never pay taxi drivers that much!" I wanted to ring her neck for trying to bring everyone down. Negative people, especially when they are volunteering, are useless.

When it was time to go, Sara and I slipped out. I didn't want to do a formal goodbye. On the way home, Sara and I talked about how just wanted to adopt some of those kids! I told her that I want to adopt children from aroud the world rather than having my own. I think there are many needy children that Brian and I can provide a loving home for. Sara told me something that I really appreciated. She said, "Jesse, you are wonderful with children." She's not the first person to say that to me, but I like it when people do tell me because it reaffirms my belief that gay people are not bad for children.

One thing I realized about myself by going to the orphanage was how I'm not like Ryan Oliver Hansen. He dropped everything to live in Africa and wants to devote his life to helping children. I realized that I'm the type of guy who will be able to give lots of money to organizations with people like Ryan in charge. I say that because as much as I love children, I couldn't play with them for 24 hours a day. I got a little tired toward the end of the orphanage. The world needs both types of people and I hope I can be financially secure enough to give my money away.

More pictures here.

FHE con el Mormones

I'm such a jokester in class and I love it! I wasn't usually the jokester in class growing up (except for that one Spanish class senior year). Today, during a break when everyone left the room, I erased one word of an example on the board and replaced it with "walrus". No one noticed until Beth read the example outloud and the teacher had a confused look on her face. I thought it was really, really funny.

My mother is so funny! She commented on my blog today! I love seeing my mother use technology because she thinks she can't do it but she can! Like the computer or cell pyhone. I never would have thought that my mother would ever comment on my blog. She's awesome.

Mam finally came home from Cancun today. She was visiting her daughter for her birthday. She graciously brought back two Cancun magnets: one for me and one for Austin. She reminds me a lot of Grandma Nix: she's so nice, treats us well, and likes talking to us.

While she was gone, I noticed that she recieved a letter with some old stamps on them. Today, I asked her if I could have them and she said sure! One of the stamps is a really old United Nations stamp.

Sara Bridge and I went to the orphanage today. I'm making it a seperate post because it's so long.

After the orphanage, Sara came back to my house because she wanted to go to Family Home Evening at professor Mayer's house (which is 2 doors down). One the drive home, she invited me to come and I told her I thought it would be fun. She was in charge of the lesson, but didn't have an idea of what to do it on. I suggested an idea, and she said, "Why don't you just help me teach it?" The former Mormon in me was honored and said yes.

We taught a lesson about giving of yourself. I said that most people can easily conjugate the spanish verb querer but have a more difficult time conjugating dar.

My biggest goal in going to FHE was to show that a gay guy like me can be spiritual and a good example. FHE was a lot of fun and I probably surprised a few Mormons.

When I came home, I told Austin about my day. After I finished, he told me that I sounded really gay in describing my time at the orphanage. I told him that anytime I'm excited about something, I do flame up. He laughed.

the more we take, the less we become

While trying to take a siesta this afternoon, I had an ephipany.

On Russell's blog, he linked a site where you pick qualities about yourself. You send the link to friends and family and they also pick qualities for you. Then you are able to see what qualities they match with you on and what qualities others see in you. There are 2 sites--one for positive qualities and one for negative qualities. I put both links on my blog.

One of the negative qualities Megan put for me was "self-satisfied." I actually had no idea what this meant. While I was in the computer lab, I asked Sara what she thought it meant and she said selfish. Then we started talking about other things.

When I tried to take my siesta, the thought of being selfish came into my mind and I realized Megan was right. Everything I do here in Mexico is for myself: I'm learning Spanish for myself, working out everyday for myself, taking naps for myself, going out with friends for myself, worrying about wearing the same clothes over and over for myself, and thinking about how much I miss MY boyfriend. Everything I'm doing in Mexico revolves around one person: me.

As I laid in bed, I thoght of something Sara said: she's going to volunteer at an orphanage every week. Then it hit me--this is what I'm supposed to do! After that thought, my ipod played "World on Fire" by Sarah McLachlan. It's my all time favorite song because it reminds me that the world is truly on fire. One lyric that really hit me was, "the more we take, the less we become." It's so true!

Then I starting thinking about what a great example Ryan Oliver Hansen is to me. He's in Camaroon right now starting his own orphanage. He's one of the most incredible people I've ever met in my life. While I won't ever do what he's doing, I can do my part.

I need to volunteer at the orphanage. I feel like its exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right now in my life. I think everything from Russell writing on his blog to Megan responding to sitting next to Sara in the computer lab are signs from God telling me this is correct.

Realizing this revelation from God, I started to pray. I thanked God for the opportunity He's trying to give me and thanked Him for showing me the way to accomplish it. I asked Him to help me be strong in achieving His will for me because I'm so weak, a coward. It would be easier to not volunteer, but I want to truly overcome that temptation.

I've always wanted to work in an orphanage. This feels like the perfect moment, the perfect circumstances, the perfect opportunity.