BoyinSuit

Eating at Sampan

Jesse: (eating) Mmmmmmm... This is so good!
Liz: Why do you always moan when you're eating?
Jesse: Sorry, I don't mean to...

(Two minutes later)

Jesse: Mmmmmm, Liz, this chicken is... (realizing our conversation) never mind.

Yes, I Still Love Him

Talking about twins...

Brian: If you were hot, your twin would be hot too!
Jesse: Gee, thanks...

A Good Book

A Sickness that Affects Us All

Russell: What are you doing for Father's Day?

Jesse: I'm building a patio. Why?

Russell: Oh, I just wanted to tell you that I can't visit you this weekend. I developed a rare blood condition called "patio-itis." I'm really sorry!

Paper Plates

Brian: We need some paper plates for tomorrow's party.
Jesse: No, we have some at home.
Brian: I don't think so. Don't be mad when I'm right and we have no plates.
Jesse: You are wrong. (Annoyed) We have paper plates at home.
Brian: Why are we fighting over something so stupid?
Jesse: I don't know, but let's get plates just in case

(When we got home, we realized that we had paper plates).

History Lesson

In my car:

Jesse: I heard a really interesting story about the Ives of March on NPR this morning.
Brian: You mean Ides of March, right?
Jesse: Yeah. Whatever. It happened like 250 years ago.
Brian: No it didn't. The United States existed 250 years ago.
Jesse: Really? Our country was founded in 1757? What the heck happened in 1789?
Brian: Whatever. Greece existed a long time ago.
Jesse: Yeah, but Caesar was in charge of the Romans...

I love teasing Brian! And I knew that the Ides of March happened a really long time ago. I was just joking with him.

NOT on the same wavelength!

In the shower:

Brian: "What will you do if you don't get into law school?"
Jesse: "Sorry, I have to..."
Brian: "No, seriously. What will you do? Wait! Are you? YOU ARE NASTY!! Get away from me!"

We were having two conversations. He was talking about law school and thought I was answering his question. I was actually talking about peeing in the shower.

Brian's NOT a Pushover... kinda

In the kitchen:

Brian: My parents think I'm a pushover.
Jesse: Do you think you're a pushover?
Brian: No. I just don't care sometimes.
Jesse: I don't think you're a pushover. What are we having for dinner?
Brian: Let's just have leftovers.
Jesse: What are you eating?
Brian: PF Changs leftoevers.
Jesse: That looks good. You should let me have it.
Brian: Okay. You can eat it.
Jesse: I'm only kidding! Well, half kidding.
Brian: Don't worry. I'm find something else.
Jesse: And they say you're a pushover!

Too Much Alike

On the telephone:

Me: What are you doing?
Brian: I just got off work. I think I'm going to go get a haircut.
Me: Guess what I just did?
Brian: I don't know.
Me: I just got a haircut!

Basic Math

Jesse: It's so weird that your Dad is so much older than his new wife.
Brian: Yeah, it's weird.
Jesse: 14 years is a big difference.
Brian: No, it's 16 years.
Jesse: (Doing the math in my head and realizing I'm wrong.) Well, I never majored in math.
Brian: Nor even grasped basic subtraction.

Cool is not subjective

Jesse: So I got your Christmas present. It's really cool.
Erik: If you think it's cool, then it probably isn't.
Jesse: No, it's cool.
Erik: Is it political or something?
Jesse: Just because it's cool doesn't mean it's political.

Non-compatibility

As we waited in line for Panda Express, I mentioned to Brian that this was the first fast food I had when I returned from Mexico.

Immediately after I said that, a young guy in front of us in line turned toward me and said, “You were in Mexico?”

“Yeah, I lived there for awhile.”

“I bet you got drunk all the time!”

“Um, no, not really. I don’t drink.”

“You Mormon?”

“No.”

“I don’t get it. You don’t drink but you’re not Mormon?”

I could see that in his brain, he was trying to put these two pieces of non-compatible information together. To make it easier for him, I gave him an answer he could understand.

“I’m an alcoholic.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

Reflexes of a Cat

Jesse: You got a new cat?
Megan: Yes. You'll get along with her because she farts alot and her farts really stink--just like you.

Age is Meaningless

Jesse: I'm 24, right?
Brian: Yeah, that's right. Wait, no you're 23.
Jesse: No, I'm 24. I'm turning 25 next year. Wait, no I'm not.
Brian: You're not. You're 23 because I'm 26 and we're three years apart.
Jesse: Wow. This is a conversation that only old people should have.

One in every room

At The Home Depot:

Jesse: We need to buy smoke alarms for the house because we don't have any.
Brian: Let's see how much they are.
Jesse: Okay, they're a little pricey, but you can't put a price on safety.
Brian: We can get a few.
Jesse: But we need one for every room in the house.
Brian: We don't need one in every room.
Jesse: Yes we do! What if our house burns down because one room didn't have an alarm?
Brian: The other ones will go off because smoke rises.
Jesse: I know what this is about. You want to kill Titus.
Brian: What?!
Jesse: You want Titus to die. I can see it now, him burning alive in his kennel. Then we'll find him curled up in a charcoaly ball. We can put him into an urn next to Lucy on our mantle.

A Bumpin' Saturday Night

Brian (just getting home from work): So what do you want to do tonight?
Jesse: What time is it?
Brian: 8:30pm
Jesse: It's late. We should go to bed.
Brian: But it's Saturday night?
Jesse: It's still late!